found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
