my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
