I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
