I want to make a zoo with you.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
