Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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