You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he puts the penis in happiness.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
