Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This is my gift to your gina
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
