You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
