Don't you send me to vm
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
