Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
