He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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