There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
