She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Randomize
