I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
