garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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