does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
