she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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