Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
