I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
