If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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