There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
