Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Farmville is her only friend.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
