I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
