make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
