i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
