I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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