I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
tell me about the eggs
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
