We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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