remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I am naked and annoyed.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
