You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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