we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
