i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
