My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
