Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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