I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
