Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
