even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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