I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
