I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
