I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
