I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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