Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Help. Why am I so naked?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
