Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
