the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
