the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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