they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
