Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
