I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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