Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Can't talk, ducks in the car
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
