i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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