is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
