my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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