is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
