i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
