speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
