totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
